Winter makes me feel nostalgic

Despite the fact that I have specific memories for each season, winter brings me the biggest nostalgic feeling. I remember my childhood most often when I walk around the frozen lake in the park in my hometown of Nitra. Winters used to be colder than nowadays (except for this year), that´s why I used to regularly go ice skating and play ice hockey on the lake. I was freezing, but I was so glad I was playing winter sports that I didn´t feel it. After my parents finally succeeded in bringing me home, it was the right time for my favorite rituals. While my mom was preparing a hot coco for me, I would wash my hands in warm water to unfreeze them. I would put my feet on a warm radiator and grab the coco into my hands.

Back then I was happy that I wasn´t part of the adult world. They used to complain about winter and the snow and they could not get to work easily or go shopping. I also went to school every day but in contrast to them, I prolonged my way home to enjoy the snow. I made a few angels in the snow field, I collected icicles and built a nice snowman.

But times are changing and I grew up too. I became an adult so quickly and naturally that I didn´t even realized it. Instead of sliding on the ice, I take care not to fall down. I don´t remember how a real snowball fight looks like and I don´t remember when I built a snowman for the last time.

Despite of all of this, I wouldn´t want to go back to my childhood times. But sometimes, when I remember my childish me, I try to bring it again into my everyday life.

000006000014000046000019a000036000008000044000038

 

Why do I love being sick

IMG_8042a

I always have to smile when I think about the times when I laid in bed all day drinking tea, playing computer games and reading one book after another. The biggest effort I made in those days was copying homework from my classmates and calling them in order to find out what I had missed at school. The days when I was sick during my school years looked exactly like this.

When I was older, relaxing in bed didn´t satisfy me as much as it did before. I preferred to be outside with friends. I got bored very easily and after a short time I wished to go back to school. And nowadays it is the same. I cannot just sit at home without doing anything. I always have some idea and I need to do it right this instant!

I am writing this article while lying on my bed. My only company is a thick blanket and at least 5 pillows, one of which has a battery-powered heating function. I am sick so I decided to relax just like before. I am at the end of another book, listening to old Coldplay records and I am drinking one cup of tea after another. Everything is as before.

There are just a few things that had changed. I don´t need to copy homework. The genres of books and movies had changed. But these are just small things. The most important is that I am lying in the same room, playing the same computer games and the same mom is taking care of me.

In addition, I realize that health is the most important thing and I only have the flu which doesn´t complicate my life.

 

 

Be unprepared

During my college years, I have found out that being prepared can sometimes be a disadvantage. The more I studied for an exam, the less I was actually using my brain because the stress was stronger. In case I have not studied, I had no choice but to turn on my brain and rely on my good old common sense. When I was prepared, I expected nothing less than the best possible result, but when I was unprepared, I made peace with the idea that I could always try again next time.

The circle is never ending. I am constantly preparing myself for something, but the more I keep preparing, the less I am living in the moment and relying on my instincts.

I want to rediscover my spontaneity and face unexpected situations as often as possible. I want to rely more on my skills than on some extensive, yet ultimately futile, preparations.

IMG_7628

Let´s laugh

IMG_6605b

When I hang out with my friend, we talk about all sorts of things, including movies, music or fashion, but we always end up talking about some deep philosophical issue regarding our feelings and our thoughts. Honestly, I could not even tell you why we end up talking about such stuff, but we can get real passionate in our discussions. I like finding out new things about myself, even though I sometimes suspect what is up, I just could not admit it to myself. The most recent discovery my friend made was that I have been laughing much less lately.

When I think back to my childhood days, I used to be able to laugh for 20 minutes straight. I can still clearly remember when I laughed the hardest, who I was with at the time, what the situation was and what caused it. And I know exactly how the ideal laugh should look like. It should be so intense that you almost hope it would end soon. The recipe for such a laugh is fairly simple. All you have to do is to be in a normal situation with extraordinary people and have an extraordinarily odd thought process. All you have to do then is to try to create such conditions as often as possible. And that is exactly what I am trying to do at the moment. That is why I have added a new “summer” resolution to those I have made at the New Year – I want to laugh as hard and as often as possible, so hard that my stomach will ache. Because sometimes I can’t even remember why I was laughing, but the main thing is that even after years I can still remember that good old belly ache the laugh had caused.

In order to turn back time and to laugh again, I am trying to create such situations more often, I laugh at my own mistakes and I try to remind myself that my life is not so bad after all.

Through the misty window

dirty mirror

IMG_5762a

IMG_5761IMG_5716aIMG_5702aIMG_5776a

Občas sa na tento svet pozerám akoby som hľadela cez okno. Cez jeho špinavé, zarosené sklo. A  každá malá špinavá bodka na ňom mi bráni vidieť svet čisto, taký aký je.

A aj keď to okno vyčistím a všetko sa odrazu vyjasní, uvedomím si, že to nestačí. Ja to sklo musím rozbiť, či vyjsť predeň, aby som to všetko čo sa pred tým oknom odohráva už viac nevidela také skreslené.

Niekedy si myslím, že vidím svet taký aký je, no v skutočnosti sa len pozerám cez špinavé, zarosené okno.

————————————————————————————————————————————-

Sometimes look at this world as if I was looking through a window. Through a dirty, misty window. And every little piece of dirt prevents me from seeing this world clearly, the way it really is.

And even if I clean that window and everything would be clearer, I realize that it is not enough. I have to break that glass or step outside in order not to see everything so skewed.

Sometimes I think that I see this world the way it is, but I am just looking through a dirty, misty window.

Talk to your grandma

in a garden

Instead of being a mother I always wished to be a grandmother. In my eyes, being grandmother is connected with baking cookies, living in a village, having fun with grandchildren and being a good friend to them.

During the weekends I usually visit my grandma, who lives in a village near my hometown. I love those visits, because I feel calmer and I have the feeling that life in a village is simpler.

But it’s not just life in a village, but life of the older generation in general. They see everything differently and more simplified than us.

My grandma is almost 90 years old, so she has much more experiences than me. She doesn´t speak that much, but when she says something I take it seriously.

When I was looking for a job and I didn´t have much luck, all the people around me were trying to encourage me. I have heard the same sentences every day: „what has to come, comes in the right moment, everything will be all right, don´t worry. “ Actually, I don´t like to hear it, because it usually doesn´t help me feel better.

During this time I was talking to my grandma as well. I was sitting in her house, drinking coffee and eating cookies as usual and I was talking about my situation. My grandma just said: „Stanka, everything is as it should be, everything comes in the right time. „It was the same sentence, which I have heard a hundred times, but this time I felt that it made sense. The words from someone who lived during the Second World War are much stronger than words from my peers.

The older I get, I appreciate older people even more. The words from someone, who´s life is so different and much harder, are priceless.

When you are not satisfied with your life, try talking to your grandma.

Pets as an idol

sleeping pets

Watching my three small degus relaxing is awesome. Their faces and their whole bodies are totally relaxed and there´s nothing more important for them in that moment except sleeping. They are sleeping all together and watching them really brings a smile to my face and makes me feel sleepy.

They don´t have a cell phone and I envy them, because there is no unimportant phone call that could disturb them. No alarm which would wake them up to go to work. They just do what they feel and like.

They relax without watching TV, sitting in front of a computer or reading a book. They can be happy and satisfied without the newest model of an IPhone.

There are situations in my life when I want to switch with them and be a pet in a cage. Unfortunately, it´s not possible, but I all I can do is to have them as an idol and be able to relax my whole mind and body as they do. Turn off my cell phone and the internet, let everything be and don´t care about anything. Just like all the animals do.